christmas

i know what i want for christmas...





man i'm still trying to put aside all distractions and follow only the big guy. it's quite hard but hopefully retreat will help me refresh my spirtual walk i just hope it just isnt a emotional rile up...i really hope that i will reroute my walk into the narrow path. these last past weeks i realized the root of all my unhappiness...the lack of God's presence in my life. i realized in this last month i completely shut everything out and just pursued the easy way to kill the pain and that all the entries i did about praising God where genuine at the time i wrote it but as soon as i shut my laptop i wasnt thankful at all. i've fallen away too much too fast and this falling away shows how weak i am and how easily emotional distress effects me. i'm also realzing that you never really know how much something means to you until its gone...i think i've lost so much in this past month. suffered way more then i should've, i know that people out there are hurting more but any amount of pain is painful. i've lost one of the most important things in my life...my morals i guess and i lost a big part of my life as well...but ive got hope for the future. even though i'm thankful Jesus Christ was born this christmas pretty much sucked...i wish this christmas was like last christmas;happy and hopeful. theres always next year but then again you never know what 365 days can bring about...well it's time to try to get myself on track with God again. i know He is the only one who can mend my wounds and help me carry on because He has been carrying me this whole time. i know He has a plan for me let's just hope i can follow through.